Silent Pages, Loud Words
by DarkElements10
Summary: Kendall helps Rhuben with a photography project and reveals a big secret about himself. [Kendall/OC Friendship]. [Set during BTR Season 4.] [ONE SHOT]


**Silent Pages, Loud Words**

**By: Rhuben**

**Summary-Kendall helps Rhuben with a photography project and reveals a big secret about himself. Kendall/OC Friendship. Set during BTR Season 4.**

* * *

Kendall Knight stood on the porch of the vast house, hands shoved deep into his jeans pockets. He removed the beanie from his head, swiping his hair back, before replacing the wool article of clothing before lifting a hand, knocking on the door with his knuckles. He made a face, his nose wrinkling slightly as he peered down at his bright red knuckles, rubbing at them with his free hand as they throbbed with pain.

"_Who is it_?"

Kendall tore his gaze from his hand before turning to face the white box that sat to the left of the door. He reached up a hand and pushed the large white button at the bottom with his fingers. "It's Kendall; Rhubes asked me over." He then removed his hand from the button and with a _clack_ it slid back into place. Seconds later, Kendall could hear the lock click and the door swung open to reveal 13-year-old Sydney Jackson-McGuire.

"Hey, Little Man," Kendal greeted the younger teenager as he lifted his hand for a high five. Sydney removed the lollipop from his mouth with one hand, using his free hand to slap Kendall's palm with his own. Kendall could feel the ring that looped around Sydney's pinky finger, strike one of his callouses. "How's it going."

"You said 'us'," Sydney said, peering past Kendall, out the front door. He then moved past Kendall to shut the door. He then reached his hand up to adjust the beanie he was wearing on his own head. Kendall smile at the small boy, recognizing it as one of his old ones that he gave to the boy on his birthday. "Where is everybody?"

"They couldn't make it," Kendall replied, reaching out a hand to place on Sydney's head, ruffling his hair, messing up the hat. "It's just me."

"Then you should've said that," Sydney pointed out to him and Kendall laughed a little bit. Sometimes, he couldn't believe how smart the younger teenager was. So smart, sometimes, that he made everybody else feel incredibly dumb. It also meant that in some occasions, he sounded arrogant. "You put out a false fact stating that everybody was with you." He then stuck the lollipop back into his mouth before jerking his thumb over his shoulder. "Rhubes is in the garage. I'm one of her assistants but with how much she's had me running around all day, it's better that the others aren't here."

"Come on, I'm sure she's not that bad," Kendall said, putting his hands on the boy's shoulders. Sydney rolled his eyes, turning on his heels before making his way through the house, towards the garage.

"You know what she's like with choreography," Sydney explained, "it's worse with her photography when she has a deadline."

Rhuben Jackson-McGuire had spent Kendall's first year in Los Angeles as a choreographer for him and his friends to help Big Time Rush's debut in American something to watch. Being contracted to work with them for the duration of two albums being released, she had also served as choreographer for their second year in LA. Despite being released from their contracts at the start of the third year she would occasionally go back to help, whenever their newly hired choreographer, Hi-Hat, couldn't make it or if one of the boys, mainly Kendall, needed a one on one lesson to help speed up his progress.

If there was one thing that she was passionate about just as much as dancing it was her photography. On occasion, she would take James's headshots for him, and even Kendall had taken her up on that offer from time to time. Whenever they were on tour, she would take a lot of candids that they would put up on their website and fan club.

That was why he was over at her house that day. She had explained to him that for a project she had due for school, she was to cover the topic of merging the past and present in any way she wanted. She had sent out a blast e-mail to all of her friends asking for them to offer their time whenever they could to help her out. He didn't know exactly what it was that he was going to be helping out with, but with all the hours she had given up to help him with dancing, he knew he should start paying her back for it.

"Rhubes, Kendall's here," Sydney announced, stepping into the vast garage, his voice echoing around the empty space.

An oil spot sat in the middle of the floor, a skateboard lying next to it. One bike was lying on the ground, with others hanging up on the walls. Leaning against one wall was a basket that held basketballs, soccer balls, and footballs, the top doubling as a place to sit. On the opposite wall was the same contraption, but from what Kendall could see, it was filled with roller blades, pads, and a folded up scooter or two. In the back wall, sat an indent, what looked like a car bumper had hit a few times.

It was big enough for two, maybe three cars, but with all of the easels sitting up, covered with picture after picture, an area of tables covered in poster board and markers, and a corner with a stool and bright lights pointing in it, he wasn't surprised to find it without any cars.

"Hey, Kenny," Rhuben greeted and Kendall jumped when he looked in the direction of the voice and found a pair of glowing glasses looking back at him. She tapped a pen against her cheek before reaching up, sticking it into her hair. She pushed back the rolling chair she was sitting in before getting to her feet, her bare feet slapping against the ground before reaching him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug.

"Hey, Benny," Kendall replied, trading off nicknames with her. "This is a big production."

"She's had bigger," Sydney replied before removing the lollipop from his mouth with a loud _pop_. "Have you seen James's last head shots?"

"His request, not mine," Rhuben replied, using her hand to rub Kendall's back. She then looked behind him and over at her brother. "Kendall the only one here?"

"Yeah, the others were busy," Kendall replied and Rhuben gave a one-shouldered shrug.

"Honestly, that's probably for the best," she replied. "With all your monkeys running around here, it'd be a wonder if I could get anything done." She laughed a little bit. "Carlos would be raiding the house for food, James would want to get into every shot, and Logan would just want to know everything." She let out a small sigh through her nose. "I miss that sometimes, all those antics in the Palm Woods and everything. It was fun."

"Yeah," Kendall agreed, scratching the back of his neck. "So, um, what do you want me to do?"

"Well, Stephanie was just here," Rhuben replied, referring to their filmmaker friend, Stephanie King. "She was running the video camera for me." Rhuben walked back over to the table she was just sitting at, lifting it into the air, wiggling it. "You see my project is a two-part thing she's helping me with, special permission from Ronan. I'm on the still frame side, and she's got her documentary, or whatever."

She glanced at her watch. "I've got some people coming over later, and I needed someone to run the camera. Patrick _was _taking care of lights, but he complained about burning his fingers and left to bandage them about…thirty minutes ago."

"We were having a contest to see who could hold their fingers to the lights the longest," Sydney explained, rocking back and forth on his heels, a peaceful smile on his face, his dimples popping up in his cheeks. His eyebrows briefly twitched upwards. "Guess who won?"

"Guess who cheated?" Rhuben said, angling her head towards Sydney whose smile widened. Kendall shook his head, a smile of amusement on his face. "Go find him, Little Man, and see if his ego was burned, too."

"Kay," Sydney replied. He gave Kendall a wave before making his way back into the house, calling for his brother.

"Riles and Noah are at the studio," Rhuben said with a laugh to her voice, explaining where her other siblings were. Kendall made a noise in the back f his throat. He had wondered why it was so quiet in the house.

"I don't think I've ever noticed how much he's grown lately," Kendall said, his eyes on the spot where Sydney had stood seconds before. He then turned back towards his friend. "So, what's this project about?"

"Well, like I said in the e-mail, this project is about mixing the past and present," Rhuben replied with a sigh as she walked around to sit in the chair she had abandoned before motioning for Kendall to join her. She pushed her computer screen backwards. "So, I decided to go the personal route and talk about my past. I mean, to really start to open up about it."

Kendall stood beside her, putting one hand on the back of her chair, the other resting on the table as she moved her mouse to open a folder of pictures. A windows explorer box opened and she clicked on the first icon and a picture opened.

"What I'm doing is looking to see if I can find anyone who's gone through what we have," Rhuben explained. Her voice dropped as she looked at the picture. "It doesn't even have to be them personally it could be what a witness had seen; a friend, a family member, or just someone they confided their secret too. I'm having them take a picture with a poster board, on the poster board it can say anything, the words of their tormentor, the thoughts that was going through their heads the day help finally came, words of encouragement, words of fear, anything. I also want them to list their age at the time and their relation to the victim; friend, witness, if they were the victim, that kind of thing. We'll add the age they're currently at later on."

She then waved her hand towards all of the easels. "Those are all test shots and prints of people that decided to help with my project. We've all done one; the five of us. Ronan has, too. I'm seeing if I can get Mama Knight to do one, too, only if she wants. It's hard for them of course, but I think the tears, the look of anguish help bring the piece to life. Of course, if it's too hard for them, if they decide they don't want to be used for the project, then we don't use them."

"A-and Steph?" Kendall asked quietly. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly.

The garage was warm but a cool feeling slowly formed in the pit of his stomach, twisting and turning, growing larger and larger until it consumed every inch of his body, running a chill through him. his grip tightened on the chair and the table and he heard a pop of his knuckles.

"Well, if they want to be interviewed, we get them on tape," Rhuben replied, looking up at him. "It's more experience for her, and since I'm not great with directing or anything, I learn on the spot."

Kendall nodded before looking at the picture on the computer screen. It was of his girlfriend, Rhuben's twin sister, Riley Jackson-McGuire. Her red streaked raven hair hung down around her face, resting gently on her shoulders. She stared into the camera, her blue eyes seeming to bore into his before his eyes shifted downwards to read the words: "_You're pathetic. You're worthless. You're stupid_."

Kendall straightened, turning his head away. He ran a hand over his face and he slowly started to breathe in and out of his nose. Those words…they weren't anything new. He had those same exact words yelled at him years ago by his own father. He had thought he had gotten away from them, but now, they were back, slamming into his brain, yelling, screaming. He could remember the harsh tone, the look of pure hatred in his father's eyes, he could remember the fear that wracked his body…

"Kendall?" Kendall slowly let out a breath of air before turning to face Rhuben who was peering at him, a frown on her face, eyebrows angled towards each other. "You ok?"

"Y-yeah," Kendall replied with a nod of his head. "Um, Benny, can, I, um-"

"Go ahead," Rhuben replied motioning towards the table. "Just let me know when you're ready." Kendall twisted his hands together in his lap before taking small steps over towards the table. "You don't have to if you don't want to. We know that…what happened with us must've been hard on your guys."

"Mhmm," Kendall agreed, stopping in front of the table. He looked around for a blue marker and pulled off the top with a _pop_. He placed his hands down onto the table, staring at the blank white poster board in front of him, waiting for him to write his unspoken words, waiting to reveal what he had been keeping inside for so long.

"I appreciate it," Rhuben called.

"Yeah, no problem," Kendall replied, turning his head to look over at her over his shoulder. "What're friends for?" He then turned back towards the table and bowed his head. "Hockey pucks." He licked his lips, before lifting a hand to rub the back of his neck. He tapped his foot on the ground and closed his eyes. _You were there for her, she'll be there for you. _

He opened his eyes, slid his shaking hand over to the center of the poster board and started to write. His words came out in squiggly letters as nerves washed over him. He cleared his throat and gripped the marker tighter, trying to straighten out his hand. One letter after another. A sentence formed. Two. He held his breath. His handwriting became more slanted, fast, he just wanted to get it over with. And then he was done.

_"My dad hit me. He ran out on my family. I never forgave him. But, part of me wants him to come back."_

He looked down at the marker in his hand, at the smudge of blue on the side and on his fingers, before looking back at the words he wrote. As they stared back up at him, he felt his shoulders slump, and his breath rushed out of him. It was there on paper. He couldn't take it back. He knew that if he asked, Rhuben wouldn't hold him to it, he could back out if he wanted, but he couldn't do that.

He was proud of her and her family for making the public announcement to the fans and to the world. Big Time Rush was on tour at the time, and they weren't able to be there to give their support in person, but they did watch the live streaming of the announcement. He could see it in their eyes, in their body language, just how hard it was to do. But, when it was all over, they had a certain glow to them, they walked away with the most confidence he had ever seen in them.

They inspired him. But, he was a coward. He just couldn't get the words to come. They had lived with it longer than he had, but he couldn't say anything. Big Time Rush had dedicated their concert to them that night, to their friends and to anyone who had gone through something like that, to show them that they cared, and that their music was for them. And yet, coming from him, it was only half-hearted. He could only believe in those words if he could believe in himself to come forward.

Now was his chance.

He took the poster board and held it close to his chest. "Um, where—"

"You can sit or stand over there," Rhuben said, motioning towards the corner of the garage. "You can do whatever you want with this. Hold it over your face, I had someone in the act of ripping it in half. Be creative, or simple." She patted him on the back as she followed him over to the illuminated space. "It's up to you."

"Thanks," Kendall replied. He stepped forward into the illuminated area and looked down as the ground crunched beneath his feet. He was walking on paper. He could see dirt marks, some outlines of shoes, some footprints. He slowly lowered himself onto the stool, facing the camera. He watched as Rhuben pushed her glasses up into her hair before stepping behind the camera, putting her eye into the view finder, reaching a hand forward to twist the lense back and forth to get the best shot. "Um, just give me a minute."

"Take all the time you need, Kenny," Rhuben replied, straightening, peering over at him over the top of the camera. "We're not in a, pun intended, big time rush." Kendall felt a bubble of laughter rise up in his throat. His lips stretched out into a smile and he lifted his hand to stroke his stubble covered chin. "What are you thinking about?"

"If I really want to do this?" Kendall replied as more of a question, lifting a hand to shield his face from the light.

"I think you should," Rhuben replied, "you and Logan mainly. You two have been closely involved, more so than James and Carlos. Even if you don't want it to be seen, I think just going through the process will help. I don't think we ever really talked about it since that time in court."

"Nah," Kendall agreed, shaking his head, "no we haven't." He pressed his top row of teeth down onto his bottom lip._ Haven't talked much about this, either. _He held back another bubble of laughter. It wasn't that he thought the situation was incredibly funny, but ironic. Here she was thinking he was there to reveal one thing, when he was actually going to reveal another. _Just get it over with. She's been through it, she'll understand. _"Ok." He nodded his head. Again. And again. And again. "Ok, I'm ready."

"You sure?" Rhuben asked, putting a hand onto the computer. Kendall's knees bounced, jostling the poster board into his chin.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Ok, on three," Rhuben replied, bending, the blackness of her hair mixing in with the blackness of the camera. "One…two…three."

Kendall closed his eyes, flipping the poster board around before peering up into the camera. The light flashed, and he heard the shutter go off. That was it. It was done. Kendall slowly lowered the poster board as Rhuben straightened to look at him. Her bottom jaw dropped, eyes narrowed slightly. He pressed his lips together, staring back at her.

_What is she thinking? _he thought to himself, feeling heat wash over him. Sweat flooded his armpits, they prickled and itched as she continued to stare at him.

"That's…Kendall, I didn't know," Rhuben said quietly before she slapped her palm to her forehead. "Of course I wouldn't. Sorry, mate, that was stupid to say."

"No, no," Kendall replied, shaking his head. He dropped the poster board and got to his feet. "I-I didn't want anyone to know. I mean…mom, Katie…Logan, James, and Carlos know." Rhuben hiked an eyebrow but nodded her head, her face relaxing.

"That's why you wanted to help us so much," she said, tapping her fingers against the side of the camera. "Because you knew what it was like."

"I got lucky," Kendall explained, stepping away from the hot lights. He grasped the front of his shirt, rapidly pulling it away from his chest, trying to cool himself down. "My dad just left, but with you guys…I don't know, I felt like if I could help in some way, it'd make up for not being able to do anything when I was—"

"You were a kid, Kendall," Rhuben interrupted him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You couldn't do a lot."

"I could've done something," Kendall said, blinking rapidly, feeling the familiar itching of his eyes signaling tears. He sniffed before lifting his wrist to rub at his nose. "I did do something. I-I stopped him from hurting Katie. I tried to, I mean…he still left. He still hurt her, just…in a way I couldn't prevent." He tilted his head back, swallowing thickly.

"Oh, Kenny," Rhuben said quietly, stepping towards him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. He rested his chin on top of her head, wrapping his arms around her as well. "So, I'm the first to know?"

"Out of you guys?" Kendall asked, taking a step back from her before looking over at the garage door. He nodded his head, using the palm of his hand to wipe at his nose. His palm was shiny with snot and he wiped it onto his jeans. "Yeah, you are."

Rhuben "hmmm-ed" her lips pursing slightly. "Why didn't you tell Riley?" she asked. Half of Kendall's mouth moved to the side.

"I didn't…" Kendall trailed off, reaching his hands up to clasp behind his head, letting out a sigh.

"You didn't want her to get mad at you for not telling her," Rhuben supplied. Kendall slowly nodded and Rhuben briefly closed her eyes, shaking her head back and forth. "Riles isn't the bad guy, here. She wouldn't get mad about something like this, you need to stop acting like something so mall will set her off. That's what she hates." Kendall stayed silent. "She's been taking her medication regularly, she hates how she is when she's off them. You know that."

"I do, but-"

"She also hates it when you don't let her in," Rhuben replied, tilting her head to the side. "But, who am I to tell you that? We're like, the Kings and Queens of keeping people out. But, with something like this. She'll get it."

"I know," Kendall replied, running his hands over his face. "I know that, I do. I've just been so scared." His vision swam as tears came to his eyes. "I didn't want her to see me like that. I've been so strong for her, I've been that rock she's needed."

"Who's to say you don't deserve it either?" Rhuben asked him, her voice cracking. She lifted a hand and used her thumb to wipe the tears from his eyes. Kendall grasped the collar of his shirt, lifting it to dab at his eyes. "Who says you can't be that for each other? Let her be there for you."

"Benny, I've wanted to tell her for so long," Kendall said, his hands shaking. "It's just always been so hard for me to be vulnerable around her. The first time was when I told her how I felt about her. I mean, when I really told her how I felt. Despite all the stupid mistakes I've made with girls, with the band, with…everything, she's always been there to have my back and I've always loved her for it."

"She'll love you for being honest with her," Rhuben replied moving to wipe at her own eyes. "You know that."

"Yeah," Kendall replied. He sucked in a deep breath of air before letting it out, the bubble of laughter bursting, allowing his shoulders to shake to let a few chuckles shake free. "This feels…good. I feel like a weight's been lifted."

"Hmm, maybe that's why you've been so stiff with your dancing," Rhuben said, a teasing smile coming to her face. "The weight, I mean." She laughed as he jumped into the air, doing a heel click. "And, hey, think of it this way; in a way, you've already told her."

"Benny," Kendall said, and Rhuben angled her head back slightly. "I don't think I'm ready for that interview yet."

Rhuben slowly smiled. "No worries," she replied, gently hitting him on the arm. "As they say, a picture's worth a thousand words."

**THE END**

* * *

**A/N: **I got the idea for this after seeing a buzzfeed about "27 Survivors of Sexual Assault Quoting the People Who Attacked Them" as part of _Project Unbreakable. _This was also originally, going to be seen later on in the Never Again series.

-Rhuben


End file.
